is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
