Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
