four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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