listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
