Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just high enough for therapy.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
