the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
