he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
