Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
