don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
