Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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