he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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