your parents love me but you hate me
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
