I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
