I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
