so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
