please come you make the beer taste better
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
