I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
