My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
