im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
