I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
