tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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