i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
