They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
