You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
