I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
