my vag is so smooth its legendary
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
