I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
