Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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