I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
