my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
