So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
