u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
