I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
