I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize