i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
