party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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