I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
