U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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