In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
