My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize