call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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