Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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