Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
