I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
