she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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