I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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