things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
