i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
