it hurts more in the daytime
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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