Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
