i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
