Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
