whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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