True but thats because hes a fetus.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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