i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
