let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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