They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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