her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
