And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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