Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
