I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
