You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
