If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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