He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
