I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
