If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
