do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
