Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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