the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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