I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize