is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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