we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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