My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
