You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
