i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
