i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
