yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My liver is preforming stress tests.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
