Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
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