Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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