He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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