walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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