nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
