i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
