It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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