spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
