1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize