God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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