Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Randomize
