the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
