Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
