just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm both gender and math confused
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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