News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
