not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
