all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
