I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
