I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
