I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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