id be glad to
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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