I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
