Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
