I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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