Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
