when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
