Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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