At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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