I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am naked and annoyed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
