If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
