for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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