oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
