Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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