that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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