Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
