I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
