1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
