I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
