She announced her abortion via fbk
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
