I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
